i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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