Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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