Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
