So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
