her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
