One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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