My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm both gender and math confused
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
