I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
