you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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