Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
