I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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