I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
