Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
