found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
