This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
