No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
