Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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