I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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