just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
