if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
