And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
