I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
