so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
