I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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