I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ugly people sure do ruin things
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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