I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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