and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
