woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
