i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
