I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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