she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
