just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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