I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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