those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
