Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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