I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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