I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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