the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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