first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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