dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
