if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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