I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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