Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're a waste of cheezeits
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
