the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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