We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
