just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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