I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
