Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
