Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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