Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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