just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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