I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
