You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
