haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
