dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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