Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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