My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
