I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
