Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
