My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
