Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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