There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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