Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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